how are you

how are you? it’s been so long since we’ve talked. have you deleted my photos or our chats?

i wonder what i’ll say if we end up in a forced conversation. you probably despise me, i don’t blame you for that

it’s painful knowing you don’t miss me, though i know i don’t deserve it. sometimes i just hope to be a fleeting memory at the very least; when you go to the toilet at suntec or to the bar at katong, or when you look at the photos i made you.

what did i do wrong, where did i go wrong, how come i wasn’t enough? was i too little, was i too much. god please i beg you, i need to know.

unfortunate for me, deep down inside, i know the answer; too afraid to say it out loud

i’m still in denial, i still can’t bring myself to come to terms with the fact. the fact that i made you my everything but to you i couldn’t last being something.

 

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scrolling

i dare not scroll, for i fear the pain

the memories flowing out

the time, the day,

the words i could not say

 

i dare not scroll, for i fear

the things i would see, the things i would think

your arm, your eyes, your hands, your smell

 

but i don’t need to scroll

to feel the pain

 

 

rooftops

I’m back to rooftops; not because I’m over you, but because I’m trying to move on. And damn it’s high up here, it’s the 24th floor and eyes closed, I do see your face.

I’m back to rooftops because even up here where the lightning strikes closer, even up here when I lie next to him, I still feel low.

I’m back because you found me when I lost myself, but now I’m drowning in an even more extensive sense of lost ever since I lost you.